Why do I need so much validation from others?

Updated: Jun 29

A client asks, why do I need so much validation from others? Why can't I trust my own judgements? I want to trust myself. I don't want to depend so much on validation from others. Signed, Too Much Validation

Dear Too Much Validation -

I understand.

You want confirmation, validation, reassurance from others that what you are feeling is real. You deserve your own validation as well as validation from others.

Yes, you are worthy of your own validation. Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, you are worthy of my validation. Yes, yes, yes.

We are all in this together. All the memories of all the humans who ever lived live within your #Collectiveconsciousness. Carl Jung first introduced this vast concept, in the early 1900s into the Western imagination. The great sages of Sanatana Dharam or Hinduism introduced this concept 5,000 or more years ago in the Sanskrit word bhrama, the supreme collectiveness, the collective whole.

The Sanskrit word Narayana, also captures this concept of collectiveness, that everything exists as part of existence, all existence.

You too, exist within existence. A drop of the ocean is within the ocean. The ocean is within the drop. Rumi’s words.

Perhaps the first people you met, your parents and siblings, didn’t give you enough validation and you were under nourished. Trauma malnourishes us. We don't feel enough validation by anyone who traumatizes us or allows for the trauma to happen again. Perhaps the people you met very early on in life weren’t as attentive, reassuring, validating, caring, loving, helpful, careful with you as you needed them to be.

You know, there may be at least one person who is an ocean to your drop, and a drop to your ocean.

Your own self and your own Self.

The Sanskrit word for the self is atmaan. The collective Self of all selves is Narayana, existence.

You are your own ocean. And, you are the drop in your ocean, too.

I hope my oceans feel like home to you. I know I'm your #therapist and maybe that's not enough. I hope to help you find many others out there in the wide wide expanse of existence who are as validating, reassuring, emotionally present, and compassionate as your therapist!

Those of us who have an awareness, of being the ocean and the drop, we make every effort to be validating with all drops in the oceans.

You are seeking your own waters, Too Much Validation. You want your own validation. I hope your waters of Self Validation run very very deep.

You are the beautiful one. I hope this letter hasn't been too much validation for you!

You're alright,


Neelu Chawla, Marriage & Family Therapist, West Lafayette, IN, 47906 | Psychology Today


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